I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
