You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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