so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry about my life...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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