my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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