i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
