Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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