I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
