You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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