when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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