In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
