dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
