the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
