Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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