I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize