Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
