Nicole vs. Life
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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