I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
