I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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