Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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