Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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