Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
