I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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