Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
