i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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