Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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