WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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