the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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