I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
