How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
