i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
