Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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