She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize