My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Boobs are out for the taking
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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