writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
