Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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