Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
