Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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