All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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