Sry I called you an 8
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
