i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
