You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
