im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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