You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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