Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
