The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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