Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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