Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
