i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
