I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
