pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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