it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize