we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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