i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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