his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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