Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize