She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
