i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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