Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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