dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
