peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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