If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
