We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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