John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
