i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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