I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize