can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
