JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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