Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
