I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
