Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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