My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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