Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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