i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
