She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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