this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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